Published: Thu 30 January 2025
By Ilyas
In Tech .
tags: jokes joke-master toastmasters
Taxi Diver
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window.
For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. Then the driver said, Look, mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!;
The passenger apologized and said, I didn;t realize that a little tap would scare you so much;
The driver replied, Sorry, its not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver I ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.
Young Boy and Barber
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son?The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
What did I tell you?said the barber. That kid never learns
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?
The boy licked his cone and replied:
Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!
Duck and Bartender
A duck walks into a bar and says "Do you have duck food here?"
The bartender says "No" and the duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day and says "Do you have duck food?"
The bartender says "No."
The duck comes back the next day and says "Do you have any duck food?" The bartender says "I already told you ‘No’ twice! If you come back and ask me again, I’m going to nail your feet to the floor!"
The duck comes back the next day and says "Do you have any nails?"
The bartender says "No."
"Do you have any duck food?"
Climber and The Sound
A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch
"Help! Is there anybody up there?" he shouted.
A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:
"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."
"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.
Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.
There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "Is there anybody ELSE up there?"
Two Men
Man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "you must be in management."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Crow and Rabbit
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered, "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Panda Bear
A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door. The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don't understand."
The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out the door.
So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading "Panda". It reads:
panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves.